The Will Turner Bashing Series
by Bitten by a cow
Summary: I hate Will Turner. That's pretty much sums it up, so yeah...I like the Home, home on the range part at the end. Sorry if I offended anyone, I just simply hate Will Turner. The End.
1. Home on the Range

There once was a man,

A very annoying man.

He needed a slap in the face,

Or a whip across his back,

Or a whack with a mace.

He talked and talked and talked,

And if that wasn't enough,

He would not stop, he talked

All through the night.

He practically stalked

People by talking,

Going on and on and on.

It was no fun;

He didn't like rum

What's a pirate supposed to do?

He never sang

Yo ho, yo ho a pirates life for me,

He had good posture,

He paid his fee,

He ate his broccoli.

He had good manners

And was gentlemanly,

He made swords and daggers

Per-fect-ly.

He had a name,

A perfect one at that.

He disliked fame,

He was petite and perfect,

But very annoyingly.

His name was regal

And he was always legal,

But he was still annoying.

His name was Will Turner.

I wish I had put him on a burner.

He was quite a learner,

But still annoying.

I will stop now

Before I go into a vow

Of

Slapping him in the face,

Whipping his back,

Whacking him with a mace,

Sticking him on a burner,

Tearing off his hide

Then rip out his insides

Then I'll do it all over again.

Home, home on the range,

Where annoying men are tied up in chains,

I tear off their hides

And rip out their insides

Then I'll do it all over again!

Everybody!


	2. An Axe

There once was a man,

A very annoying man.

He needed a smack with a bat,

Or a spank on the butt

That would make him fat.

He bragged and bragged and bragged

And if that didn't drive you nuts,

He bragged about his girlfriend,

He bragged about his face,

(though it wasn't very good)

He should have been in rags,

Stuffed in bags,

Or accompanying the hags.

He was not cool

He didn't like playing pool,

What's a pirate supposed to do?

He could not swim

He guessed on a whim

Yet he survived

And kept his limbs

Boohoo

He was a Mary-Sue.

He ate his celery,

But made his salary

How lame-o can you get?

He did not steal

He made no deals

He was a little brat.

He did not thief

He made no trades

He was a little gnat.

He had a name,

An annoying one at that

He made you want to hit him

With a bat.

His name was Will Turner,

He was annoying as all crap,

He was a learner,

But still annoying.

I had better stop now

Before I make a vow

To

Smack him with a bat,

Or spank him on the butt

So he got fat,

Or dress him in rags

Or stuff him in bags

Or force him to

Accompany the hags.

Then make him swim;

Lose his limbs,

Or hit him with another bat.

Then I'll

Pour some hot water up

And down his legs

And maybe he'll lay eggs,

And he'll turn into a chicken

With a really big head,

Then I'll chop it off with an

Axe of Lead!

Thank you!


	3. Mother Goose

There once was a man,

A very annoying man.

He needed a slap in the face,

But really and truly,

He needed to get kicked

Off the human race.

He disobeyed his authority,

And is a major minority,

And if that didn't drive you crazy,

He obeyed the law

And was in the least lazy.

He was not funny

He had no money

How do you ransack

Without a proper pirate?

He denied his destiny

But had an incredible change of heart

And let free a man who was

Condemned to death for piracy.

What's wrong with this boy,

You say?

He was annoying.

He had a sword;

A shiny one at that,

He disliked pirates

What a turn code he was,

Even though a pirate

Saved his bonny lass.

He was a showoff,

He was a great learner,

But I wish he would jump off

A cliff.

His name was Will Turner,

I should have pushed him into

The butter churner.

Or fill his pillowcase with crap;

His character was full of sap.

I will end now

Before I swear

To

Slap him in the face,

Kick him off the human race,

Push him off a cliff,

Shoving him into a butter churner,

Fill his pillowcase with crap,

Or rock him on a treetop,

When the wind blows,

The cradle will rock;

When the bells break

The cradle will fall,

And down will come Turner,

Cradle and all!

Thank you!

That is the creepiest Mother Goose rhyme ever invented! I was traumatized as a child!

Thanks to you, "Mother Goose", I have a psychiatrist appointment right now! Yeah! You better be sorry!


End file.
